Arizona Foothills Magazine - April 2003
In Good Taste – Boy Meets Girl
By Kathryn Eastlick
Remember your high school days, when going on a date meant donning your best Jordache jeans, sharing Milk Duds at the movies and possibly clinking braces at the end of the night? Today, the process is a little more complicated – there are years of emotional baggage, ambiguous etiquette rules and (thankfully) a more discriminating sense of style to deal with. To help you navigate the choppy waters of singledom, we’ve compiled the ultimate guide to dating. From the first hello to (hopefully!) the first kiss, we share the keys to dating with dignity and confidence.
Dressing for the Occasion
What you wear on your date reflects who you are, so don something that makes you feel comfortable and confident. In other words, don’t wear rock ‘n’ roll jeans and a ripped shirt if you’re the lace-and-flowers type at heart.
Mahsa Jaeger, owner of Mahsa in Keirland Commons, recommends choosing an accessory you love – chandelier earrings, a pink clutch or pointy heels – and building an outfit around that item. “Accessories can really define your identity,” she says. “They stand out more than anything. They make a statement, unless you’re wearing something really outrageous, which you shouldn’t on a first date.” Choose classic, simple pieces, and dress them up or down accordingly.
First Impressions
When the moment arrives and he knocks on your door, walks into the restaurant or roars up on his Harley, stay focused, because first impressions do count. In one glance, you can learn a lot about your date. Is he shy or confident? Does he make eye contact? Does he wear underarm deodorant? Although first impressions can have a lasting effect, Debi Lane, a Valley psychotherapist who focuses on relationships, warns against relying completely on them, emphasizing that what we don’t see is just as important as what we do see. “People are like plants,” she says. “The flowers catch our attention, but the roots give life.”
Seen and Heard
Once you’ve settled down and ordered a drink, take the opportunity to really get to know the person sitting across from you. According to Lane, people’s facial expressions reveal clues about their personalities. “If a disappointing situation presents itself, like the movie is sold out or the waiter brings the wrong drink, watch the reaction,” says Lane. “It’s a big red flag if the face shows anger but the voice doesn’t. When the body language and the words don’t match, it’s called mood incongruity, and usually indicates there is a lot going on under the surface.”
While Lane recognizes the relevance of body language, she says communication and “active listening” are the most important things during a date. Once the conversation gets moving, stick to familiar topics like your interests, hobbies or pop culture (it’s always fun to trash reality TV – or reveal a secret fondness for it). Avoid talking about personal subjects like religion, your ex-husband or failed relationships. If you concentrate on listening carefully and ignore the little voice inside your head screaming, “Say something witty! Be funny!” You will find the conversation flows naturally. If you simply have nothing in common, try not to glance at your watch every two seconds, and politely decline a second date.
|
|
 |
