Arizona Foothills Magazine - February 2003
In Good Taste – Presenting a Challenge
By Kathryn Eastlick
The elusive “perfect gift” – it taunts us every time we receive a wedding invitation, birthday reminder or hang up the phone after accepting a dinner-party engagement. And even if you do come up with the perfect present – a delicate mix of thoughtfulness, elegance and surprise – what then? How well do you know the rules of gift-giving? Fear not, the final word on gift etiquette has arrived, along with last-minute ideas and the items on everyone’s wish list.
Gift-Giving 101
Etiquette mavens insist that gifts should never be expected, but insiders know that in certain situations, an empty-handed arrival will result in an empty mailbox in the future. “Anniversaries, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day fall into this category,” says Bob Zakrewski, cofounder of FindGift.com. If you plan to attend the event, plan to bring a present.
Hostess with the Most
Bring a hostess gift “every time you are invited as a guest in someone’s home,” says Lisa Pagel, the home décor manager for the Galleries of Neiman Marcus. Your hostess juggles a busy schedule, so an invitation to her home deserves a gesture of appreciation. Sayareh Farsio, the West Coast director of Macy’s by Appointment, recommends classic gifts like a box of truffles or a bottle of wine (no less than $20, though). As a finishing touch, Pagel suggests including a set of wine charms or a Jay Strongwater jeweled bottle stopper.
Cubicle Conundrums
When it comes to workplace gift-giving, formal etiquette relaxes, but check your company’s policies. You should generally acknowledge coworkers’ birthdays with flowers or lunch, but keep a more professional distance when it comes to your boss. Avoid gifts that are too intimate or informal by sticking to work-related items like a desk clock or small picture frame. The best way to handle the boss’ birthday, Farsio says, is to go in on one gift with a group.
A Word About Weddings
Etiquette experts agree: if you’ve been invited to a wedding and reception, you must send a gift (unless you live far away, have been out of touch and do not plan on attending). Engagement parties and wedding announcements, however, do not carry gift obligations.
When the big day rolls around, don’t bring the present with you to the reception. “It is much more thoughtful and pleasant to send the gift in advance,” says Farsio. If tokens of good wishes pile up at the reception, the bride and groom end up worrying about the safety of the packages instead of enjoying the celebration. Post agrees that guests should send the wedding gift beforehand, and says the newlyweds should post their thank-you notes within three months.
Click for Gifts
Gift-giving is not as difficult as you might think, according to Zakrzewski. “In today’s world, people are literally a mouse-click away from thousands of stores open 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” he says.
Certainly the Internet has made shopping simpler, but it’s easy to lose that personal touch when scanning Web site after Web site. Department stores like Macy’s, Saks Fifth Avenue and Nordstrom have online gift search engines that help you find gifts appropriate to your recipients personal tastes. Neiman Marcus, for example, features a complimentary online personal shopper. E-mail your specific request, and the omniscient shopper will contact you with ideas. (Our plea for help with a hostess gift produced a response within two hours – a Nambe crystal planner bowl, we were told, was the perfect solution.)
Sites like FindGift.com and Surprise.com exist solely to help the frantic shopper find exactly the right gift, and others like GiftElan.com offer helpful advice. WishList.com and WeddingChannel.com let users create wish lists through links to scores of retailers. That way, the recipient gets something she wants rather than something that will collect dust in the back of her closet.
Gift cards are also popular. Everyone from Neiman Marcus to Gap has them, and Nordstrom even sells its cards in Safeway. Visa or MasterCard gift cards are a great idea for teenagers. These prepaid cards, available through Visa.com or MasterCard.com, allow the recipient to buy whatever she wishes, whenever she finishes her homework.
Gifts That Keep on Giving
The term regifting can be traced back to a famous “Seinfeld” episode in which Elaine accuses a friend of being a “regifter” after the label-maker she’s given him ends up in Jerry’s hands. Careless regifting has left many recipients fuming over their hand-me-downs. Etiquette says that regifting is not an absolute no-no, but must be handled with care. If the item elicits eye rolls, return it or give it to charity. If, however, the gift is tasteful but not your style, tuck it away for at least a year before regifting. Remember to tape a note to the gift with the giver’s name so you don’t accidentally give it back to the same person.
How can you tell if your gift runs the risk of being regifted? The kiss of death, according to “Seinfeld,” is when the recipient repeats the name of the gift – “Oh. Tube socks.”
Wrapping it Up
When it comes to gift-giving, Pagel says that above all else, make sure you give things the recipient will enjoy instead of buying what you like. “Know thy recipient,” commands Zakrzewski. “You’re giving a gift to make someone happy” – not the other way around.
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