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You may remember Miss Marvie from the days when she doled out advice in an Arizona newspaper column. Apparently some of you really missed her, so I called her up and convinced her to come out of hiding. She’s back, dishing on all her latest passions. April 18th, 2005 Later that night, at the Pizza Place… Current Obsession Such a toss-up. On the one hand, I have spent about six hours today playing this game: http://www.eyezmaze.com/tontie/v1/index.html, in which you bonk funny little alien creatures on the head with a hammer (but not the spiky ones! look out for the spiky ones). My dear friend Jacqueline turned me on to this brilliant time-waster and I couldn’t be more grateful. If only I could get past level 10, but the blue alien with the bomb-head keeps blowing up my hammer before I can grab the ray gun inside the treasure chest, damn, damn. Dear Jacqueline is also responsible for today’s other obsession, (Click Here if you know what’s good for you, although if you’re a heterosexual guy you might not find this so enticing), which leads us to... Today’s No-Longer-Secret Secret/Today’s Celebrity Gossip What is this sweet sight I behold? Could it be Ryan Reynolds in a bad beard with deliciously glimmering abs and wielding a frigging ax, no less? Ohhhhhh. I have had a secret crush on Mr. Reynolds ever since his TV show, “Two Guys, a Girl and a Porn Palace,” or whatever it was called. Okay, it was a pizza place, not a porn palace, jeesh. A girl has her fantasies, you know, and pardon my loose lips, but I’ve had a glass of wine. Okay, two. Did you SEE the way his pajama bottoms are slipping down in that picture? Now I’ve got to go see this Amityville Horror flick just to find out if they fall off or not. Probably not. Or if they do, it will happen right before some undead thing attacks and he chops it up with his ax, and I don’t want to associate naked Ryan Reynolds with bloody undeadness, so maybe I’ll just create my own scene in my mind… Ryan and I are staying at our country manse in the Hamptons and he’s chopping wood in the early morn to surprise me with a little fireside romance later on. But I’m on to him, so I float outside in my brand-new pink – no RED – La Perla negligee and Ryan immediately drops the ax (oh, but we might accidentally sit on it, so no, he whacks it into the chopping block, his muscles flexing), and pulls me into his arms. THEN, a car beeps and whaddaya know, it’s that girl and that guy from the Pizza Place sitcom and soon we’re all inside with Prince on the stereo and bow chicka bow bowwww ba da da da! Unfounded Anxiety I hope I’m not the only woman out there who secretly crushes on Ryan Reynolds, and imagines him with no pants, and sometimes fantasizes about former sitcom characters, and maybe every so often sings porn songs in her head. I am the only one, aren’t I? Oh crap.
Comments? Indecent proposals? Righteous indignation? |
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