 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
||||
|
March 4, 2005 Gucci, Gucci, Goo! Current Obsession Nestled in a jewelry case in a consignment store in Madison Valley, a pair of Gucci sunglasses lies waiting for me. Did I mention they’re only 78 dollars? Oh, the joy of consignment - $300 Gucci aviator sunglasses for $78. I wore them around the store for half an hour while the shop owner followed me around nervously. Honestly. The only thing I’ve ever stolen lately is one of those free brooches that comes pinned to sweaters. The brooch hopped right off the sweater and onto the Bon’s carpet. I had to rescue it from getting tromped on by clearance shoppers, didn’t I? But somehow it just didn’t make it back onto the sweater. Oops. Trend of the Day A flock of crows – brood? gaggle? lemme google it…ah, a murder of crows (how very Poe) has taken up residence in the tree outside my window. They start CAW-ing every morning at 7 a.m., which would be an effective wake-up call if I weren’t so damn lazy and/or hungover. I complained about the crows to my friends and discovered that most Seattleites have favorite crow stories to tell. Runner-up: Tyler’s tale of a crow that fished a Chinese takeout container from a trash can, pried apart the wire handles, flicked open the cardboard closure, flew up 10 feet and dropped it upside down on the sidewalk, spilling its contents. That crow enjoyed a delicious meal of moldy Moo Goo Gai Pan and soggy won tons. (*Full Disclosure: Tyler confesses he may not have actually witnessed this event personally, but rather watched it on the Discovery Channel.) Winner: Patrick’s story of a crow that dove in front of him while he walked to work and snatched something from the ground. Curious, Patrick watched the crow fly to a nearby branch and triumphantly wave a used condom clutched in his beak. Seems Old Crow had a good night. Today’s Celebrity Gossip Apparently, most of Hollywood’s glamorous stars of the 40’s and 50’s were bisexual. This is according to my new ginormous Oscar book, pointedly NOT endorsed by the stodgy Academy, so the authors can dish on all the stale-but-juicy gossip. I won’t name any names, but apparently Squebbie Teynolds liked to sing in the rain with Endora from Bewitched, and Shoan Cawford liked Farbara Stanlyck just as passionately as she hated those wire hangers. Meanwhile, the biggest piece of gossip from the last five years of Oscars? Catherine Zeta-Jones refused to wear a long wig in Chicago. SNORE. So I guess those rumors about Z-J and Renee swapping spit off-screen were just the product of my male friends’ fantasies. By the by, did anyone check out this year’s sad Oscar gown turnout? Stylists, stars, please: I live for this. I need my Oscar fashion fix like Renee needs a bag of Doritos. All those look-alike fishtail gowns and strapless red dresses make Marvie twitchy, and you won’t like me when I’m twitchy. So come back, Nicole and Uma, the red carpet needs you! (Cate, Charlize - you can stay.) And as for you, Maggie and Gwyneth - what’s with the breast oppression? Set those boobies free, my little luvs. Profound Thought Maybe I don’t really need those Gucci sunglasses. Maybe I should save that $68 for something more important, like groceries. Come to think of it, my cupboards are bare, except for a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, but I think something might be living in there. Unfounded Anxiety Maybe the Gucci’s are already gone! Screw food, Marvie needs her stylin’ shades! Must run, I’m off to fold those lovely sunglasses into my warm embrace (gently, gently). Guccis, here I come!
Comments? Indecent proposals? Righteous indignation? |
 |
|||
| ||||